Wow! It’s been a month. Already. Seems like it went by in a flash but it also seems it took forever.
On one hand I can still vividly remember the moment this tiny creature was born, screaming with her arms open to the world.
On the other one I can’t remember the last time we were free to do whatever we wanted.
A month ago we were locked in a hospital room, with a tiny baby girl, unable to go outside even to get coffee from a vending machine (Covid rules), thrilled our baby girl was healthy and perfect.
I hadn’t even considered the fact she might not, right up to the moment when she was born. That’s when it hit me, and I started frantically looking at her hands and feet, making sure everything was ok. Were the eyes ok ? How about the nose ? Her mouth ? The paediatrician said everything was ok, but I had to check for myself.
That clock had started ticking, there’s no stopping that now.
We spent three days there, in our room, getting busy with an array of doctors, nurses and auxiliary staff, all taking care of us and the baby, teaching us the basics of newborn care. We’d done a workshop during the pregnancy, but that fake baby died a couple of times in our hands. No place for those mistakes now…
As everything was ok by day three, first vaccine already taken and all the tests we could wish for, so we were let go. It was one of the scariest moments of my life, and I’ve been through a few scary things. Getting dressed, packing our bags, and leaving to get the car, that’s when it dawned on me, again: she’s our responsibility. Forever. No taking that back. We have to take care of her, on our own, for the rest of our lives.
I spoke with other dads, and the feeling was the same for them. For nine months, you get you’re about to become a dad. You see your wife getting bigger, shopping for the baby, getting the house ready,… But when she’s born, that’s when you really, really, get it! No amount of preparation gets us ready for that moment!
We came home to our in-laws, where we had already spent the last month and a half of the pregnancy, lockdown from corona virus. We have a ton of support here, so that’s easier on us. Help with cooking, help with laundry, help with shopping, help with caring. Plenty of help. More than most people have, and that’s a blessing.
All in all, it hasn’t been as hard as some people we know that we know and had babies recently made us believe it would be. Every baby is a different baby, they told us, and some are harder, they said. I guess. Clara is pretty mellow, and we expected a heavier load, truth be told.
It’s hard to go from doing whatever you want, whenever you want, to having your whole schedule dictated by the baby’s needs, but we’re getting there, no big issues. That’s what we signed up for.
It’s soooo cool to look at her and notice the way she’s changing, slowly, day by day. The way she couldn’t see properly on the first days and now she looks at you and it seems she already recognise us. Every thing about her is coated in extra sweetness. The way she moves her arms, the way she makes tiny fists and shakes them about when she’s waking up, the surprised look when we’re changing her diaper…
Changing diapers is my new thing, by the way, so far it’s not heavy duty. And I love bath days and they way she loves the warm water.
Sleeping has been an issue though, we have a night owl with us. She loves sleeping in but, as soon as night falls, she’s awake. When she does fall asleep, the scary noises start, and I’m wide awake by then, afraid something will happen and I won’t notice! When I do sleep is because I’m completely exhausted and just fall down.
But that’s it. She doesn’t even cry that much, she’s as sweet as babies come, and the most beautiful one I’ve seen. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be the one saying this, but she is.
I’m double lucky to have all of this with my wife, my movieStar. We’ve had an amazing time before the baby was born, a wedding that was a dream, the most amazing honeymoon imaginable, and everything that led up to this moment has been an absolute pleasure. She is, simply, the best!
Long live movieStar, and long live tinyMovieStar! ❤️